There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
