Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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