Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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