i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
