Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
