K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
