Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
