you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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