So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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