maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
