I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
