Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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