so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
