and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
