I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
