You really coming over, don't trick.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
