Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
