there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
