If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
either way he was missing a nipple.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
