I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
