i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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