I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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