Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
