you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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