There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
