there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
