look no pants
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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