Don't you send me to vm
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
