Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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