Plan B is the new Plan A
I think my fart just growled at me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize