so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
