she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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