I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
