i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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