I am puke
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
