nut hugger
I think I died a long time ago.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
