He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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