he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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