he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
