I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Who died my cat blue again?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
