I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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