wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Mom said you looked used
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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