just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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