What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
