I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
