The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
