Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
