We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
