She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
