dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
