I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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