I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
