Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
