Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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