he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
