So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
