how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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