Ambien. No doubt about it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
