Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
