I'm going to jail i love you
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
love makes seman taste better
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
