Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
