You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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