i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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