WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
