....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
