When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
