I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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