You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
