I am puke
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
